Thank God, that he will never let me go!

I keep thinking of reason why I haven't written on here, and yet..i think the truth is that I am at a roadblock. Perhaps self imposed?? Sometimes I feel so very close to God, like I can feel his touch. Other times, I feel so far away.... like there is no way I could even fathom him speaking to me. I do not understand why I cannot stay on a steady path. Why do I allow myself to waver, when it makes me feel miserable?
I do know the difference of having God in my life or not having God in my life, and I know FOR SURE the difference it makes. I know how much happier how much more at peace I am..how I see the joy all around me. And yet, I allow myself to become distanced. I don't do it on purpose. It starts as one small slip, and then leads into this huge gap in my life.
I find myself wondering what happened? How did I get from there to here? I think it is the same with alot of things in our lives, but of things that truly make our life complete.. it is the one and only. Why would I not continually nourish that which makes me complete?
I'm still working on figuring it all out. I never want to go back to where I used to be though, so I know I have to remove the roadblock. Whatever means are necessary, and discipline myself to keep the road open and working in both directions. Thank you God for never leaving me or forsaking me, even when I place things in the way of my reaching you. Thanks to you for leading me back into your arms, and just holding me until I am ready to get back on my feet again.