We rise and we fall and we rise again

"Search me O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me,and lead me into the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

I saw this scripture today, and just had to STOP. Is this part of what had been going on with me? Have I asked God to do this and then decided that due to my own request, now, He couldn't exist for doing it?

I am told that the desire for a different life doesn't appear out of thin area. You can wait around and long for this, or you can keep company with the One who delivers it. You wouldn't want more of God if the Holy Spirit wasn't seeking/pursing you. And....You know what, I have come to believe that the Spirit starts pursuing you when you start going astray. Sometimes you have to be slapped in the face to get your attention again.

When you find yourself somewhere out there, When nothing seems to be going the right way and you are stuck in this land of frustration.... You have to take this as an opportunity to draw closer. Look at it as an opportunity to grow and learn and become stronger and deeper in your faith. It may not seem like that at first. It may seem completely the opposite. Burning the candle at both ends though can burn out the soul as well as the body. Maybe you need to STOP, take inventory and reconnect. Acts 2:42

Let the little children come to me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Mark 10:14

I have heard this said over and over. For a long time I thought God just liked kids better! I really didn't understand the whole implication of being childlike. I could see the innocence perhaps, but what was it that so made children rank so high with God?

I have been reading a book called "Approaching God" by Steve Brown. It is a book that is basically telling us that prayer isn't some big fancy thing. It is simply communication between a child and his father. In our desire to be a grown up and to fit in to this world, we forget about the child qualities that are so endearing to all. Jesus specifically said that unless we are converted and become like children, we will not enter heaven. What does this mean? I don't know exactly, but I think I have a better picture now.

God is the kind of father everyone wants. He likes to spend time with his children. He cares and he loves us unconditionally. A love that is hard to comprehend at times. Remember this as you go to him. Lay aside your inhibitions, there is no right or wrong way to pray. The heart of the matter is where the importance lies. If you don't know what to say, tell God just that! Don't know where to start? No problem, Tell him that and start in the middle if you want to. It isn't like he doesn't already know...but he still wants you to discuss it with him. Have that childlike faith. Childlike trust.

The following is from the book, Approaching God: "Have that childlike joy.. no matter what happens, there is always joy around the corner! When was the last time you giggled and didn't care what anyone thought? When was the last time you did something "improper" and took joy in it? When was the last time you sang and danced and didn't care if someone thought you lost your mind? When is the last time that you lay in the grass just to look at the sky? What about honesty?, Is there anything so honest as child in just telling it how it is? "

As I read all of this from Steve Brown's book, it began to dawn on me what God means by being a child. Being real, enjoying life, being honest, true to yourself and the joy within you. Let the little children come to me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Mark 10:14

Rise Up

What a beautiful Sunday! The weather is awesome the birds are singing and the wild flowers just look artistic! Our sermon was great today. We have been reviewing the fruits of the spirit. The whole series has been enlightening, but most especially the last three weeks for me. Today was on KINDNESS. Specifically on "How to Treat People with Kindness".

Colossians 3:12 (New International Version)
12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
James 2:8
8If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself,"[a] you are doing right.

Does this not seem it would be easy? On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the hardest, these commands should not be too high up on being able to accomplish them. They take nothing other than the gifts God freely has given us. We don't have to research, go to school, read, nothing... They are just given to us. All we have to do is to receive them. Receive them, and...oh, um... USE THEM! Perhaps we should even go a bit farther than using them, perhaps we should display them. Imagine the difference we could make in this city, in this world of ours if we did clothe ourselves with compassion and kindness..gentleness. What if it exuded from the depths of our souls~

As our pastor told us today, accept everybody. Find something good about them and focus on it. We all have room to grow. We all have faults, we all have strengths. I am not who I was, I am not who I am going to be. Allow the room for growth in everyone. If you have that one particular person that just grates on your nerves... stop right now. Before you do anything else, find a strength in that person. Pray for the person and your ability to focus on the strength. Commit yourself to letting them know about it. Strive to make a connection with them and to love them for who they are. Rise above, reach out and take the gifts that are so freely given.

Whatever You do to the Least of These

We went and walked for a bit downtown this evening. A young girl, possibly 20, came up to us and asked if we had any extra change. We actually had no money on us at all, just a debit card. I apologetically told her so. She just smiled and walked on. I had never had this happen to me in Bloomington before. I have been to various places and had people approach me for money, but never here in my hometown. Something about her just pulled my heart in. I don't know for sure what it was. She seemed so innocent. She appeared to be pregnant. She was clean and somewhat timid really.

We were actually almost back to our car prior to her asking us. We got in, and I felt sick about it. I felt like it was a chance for me to be Jesus to someone, and I had struck out. We began to drive and I asked Greg if it was wrong of me to not give her anything. We both felt funny about it. We also don't know when we are being taken advantage of and when someone needs help. How do you know this? I got to thinking about how hard that would be to go and ask someone if they had any extra change. a complete stranger. Then I wondered what made her choose us? She had walked by others on her way to us. Did we look more approachable and friendly? Was it my shirt that said, "Spread The Love"? Was I spreading the love? Was God giving me an opportunity to be an angel here on earth, and I just walked right by it? How do you know what is right?

We had planned on getting a bite to eat, but by this point I could not eat. It just seemed wrong. The rest of the way home I prayed about it. We pulled into our driveway and I really felt like God was telling me to go in and grab some money and take it to her, to help her...but to also tell her about Him. I conveyed this Greg and he was fine with that.

I had ordered some booklets awhile back that have the Gospel of John in them. They are real small, decorative, and easy to read. I grabbed one of those as well, and headed back to the car. I drove to where we had seen her, but I couldn't find her. I circled back around, no luck. I felt the need to do it one more time. I did, and I saw her. I went back around the block, I pulled the car over, and got out. I walked up to her and talked a little, handed her the book and the money. She seemed shocked that I came back. She smiled. As I turned to leave, she said "Bless You". I wanted to hug her, but I didn't. I didn't want to freak her out.

It was done, I had already been blessed. My heart felt right again. So did God put this person in my path? Did I make a difference to her? Did I help her, Did I hinder her? Will she read the book? Did she hear the words I said? I don't know. I don't know at all. What I do know is that I have peace about reaching out and trying to be Jesus. I think that is what we are to do. I will pray for her and I know that will do her more good that all the money in the world. I may go back later this week and see if I see her again. Ask if she had a chance to read the book... Be praying about that encounter for me.

who's got your back?

When you give Satan the stronghold, he takes it. I realize now that is exactly what I did last week. It had been coming up, weeks had been spent working on this. He had slowly been sabotaging my faith...I just didn't realize it. I didn't realize it until this morning actually! I was listening to Spirit 95 on the radio. I am not sure who was talking, but they began speaking about how Satan attacks. It was pretty interesting to listen to.

They also explained how when Satan is close to pulling it off, he pours it on hard, doing all he can to make you lose your faith..and when he realizes that you are NOT giving up on God, he backs off. Satan has no desire to wrestle with God. He has been defeated through Christ. When he sees where your alliance truly is and where you are gaining your power from he goes away. He waits to come back during another moment of weakness in your life. This is exactly why you have to be on top of your game. You have got to have all of your resources in place, and you have got to be prepared to battle. You never know when the battle may occur. You have GOT to be in the word. You have GOT to keep that daily time speaking to God. You have GOT to have prayer partners...other Christians willing to watch your back.

After I heard that on the radio this morning. I just had to smile and thank God for placing people in my life that were willing to watch my back. I thought about how I had felt last week. How I felt in the last few weeks before it all came to head. It is amazing to me how different I feel today. How different this entire week had been. I GOT my joy back. What can me more awesome than that?

Pursuit

I am thankful that God does pursue us, even when we aren't pursuing him! His cleverness never ceases to amazes me.

I felt so prompted Sunday to go to the altar, to go for prayer... and yet I felt glued to my spot. People in our church don't go forward too much. Seems we tend to keep our hurts amongst ourselves. The really funny thing is, I had no desire to even go to church this week (nor the last couple of weeks). I just "happened" to wake up without my alarm going off, and I just "happened" to attend a service that talked about peace in our lives, and I just "happened" to have my heart repaired.

So yeah, as they were singing that last song, I had a small battle within my own soul. I was certain that the Spirit was prompting me to go forward and yet my flesh was holding me back. I kept thinking, people don't do this in our church... Suddenly it was more than just me in control and I did find myself going forward. One of the elders came with me and prayed with me. I didn't even know what to say to him, " I think I've lost my faith?" "Does God really exist?" How do you tell someone rooted in their faith that you are feeling like faith is a joke right now? I just told him the best I could at the time, and you know what? He understood. He listened, he encouraged me, he told me of his own valleys, he prayed with me, he invited me to call on him or anyone else there..to not make myself try to handle it on my own. He told me it was ok to question God. It was ok to not understand. We prayed, we hugged..and I was touched by God.

Today, I feel 500 times better. I know that there have been people praying for me, for me specifically. God has lifted the hurt from my heart. I cannot even explain the difference within me. Had these people not been so willing to intercede for me, I don't know what might be happening today. I am blessed to have God in my life and have Godly people willing to sacrifice for me. Sometimes you go through the fire and you are tougher and stronger because of it. And you know what? If I feel like going to the front for prayer, I AM GOING, cause I know that sharing our burdens and praying for one and another work!

Be still and know that I am God Pslams 46:10

1 Corinthians 13:12 "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully know."

There are times when circumstances don't add up. There are times when things don't make sense. This is the Christian life no one tells you about, so you may not realize it exist. It does exist, for a purpose we may not know just yet. Don't allow it to let you fall flat on your face. Remember what He tells us in Romans 8:28, "...works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Isaiah 41:10 tells us that "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

I have found myself letting my thoughts wither my spirit. I have been filled with confusion. "If only it all made sense.." I tell myself. Then maybe I could bear the results.
I have found myself disillusioned with God. The thing is, God hasn't changed. He has proven himself over and over again. I lost my connection and allowed myself to think He didn't care, that suddenly he was some other God.
I put expectations on God, unrealistic and unfounded expectations. Perhaps this has been a test of my faith, though I don't feel that God would just single me out and punish me... sometimes our faith does need refined.

Faith has been defined as the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. I have not been cut from the vine, I have located the peace within my soul and I will keep the faith. God is faithful. One day we will see clearly. One day we will all be accountable for this life we live. Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."

Sometimes I forget this...

Philippians 4:6 (New International Version)
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6 (Amplified Bible)
6Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition ([a]definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.

Philippians 4:6 (New King James Version)
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;

Philippians 4:6 (Worldwide English (New Testament))
6Do not worry about anything. Talk to God about everything. Thank him for what you have. Ask him for what you need.


Lately my heart has been hurting over various things. Instead of taking these hurts to God and seeking peace and healing...instead of giving thanksgiving... instead of trusting that God does know what is best~ I have taken it upon myself to make those decisions and assumptions.

It really isn't working out too well for me. We make the choice of what leads us. It can be the Holy Spirit, or it can be the flesh. Sometimes you have to struggle, you have to endure and respond with love, as Christ would. Wrestling with God causes upheavel, not peace. I don't want to wrestle anymore. I am ready to lay flat out on my back, shoulders down, pinned to His will. Sometimes it is so hard to just surrender and have faith.